It's strange the feeling that happens when you want something so bad and you finally have it in your hands and the anxiousness to know turns into nervousness to leave. I know my life will change. I'd be stupid not to know that. I know it will change for the better. But what I don't know is who I will be when I come back. Who will my friends be? What will I do upon returning? Will I be lonely, sad and scared when I get there? Will I make friends? Will the other people in my group be outgoing, or will we all live in our little cocoons, missing our friends at home and waiting for the first opportunity to catch up with them? Will I miss out on opportunities because of fear, or will I pretend to be fearless and abandon my friends back home? How long does it take to forget someone?
Enough with feeling sorry for myself. I know you guys (all zero of you) reading this won't forget me. I guess that's why I feel comfortable with baring my insecurities this way on here.
But having said all that, I also know how fantastically excited I am to leave. Not at all to leave my friends and loved ones, but the prospect of living in Panama, exploring the rain forest, living in a hut (or a concrete cube...), living in Spanish (or an indigenous tongue) and the wildlife. Oh man, the wildlife. Panama has some of the greatest biodiversity in the world, and guess what I'll be teaching: Environmental Conservation. I get to live, work and breathe this environment, this ecosystem. It's an experience that I've wanted to have for most of my life (the Peace Corps in general) and I always "knew" I would live in Latin America at some point in my life. And now, here it is. Well, here it is in 83 days...
It's exciting and scary to finally know where I'm going. And it's exciting to know, that while I won't be in an African hut, I might be in a hut in the rain forest.
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