Everything Hits at Once, Spoon

There are times in your life where everything seems to happen at once.  In the same week, I became a Peace Corps Volunteer, moved to my site and lost one of the most important people in my life.

Monday, after tearful goodbyes to my training community, we arrived at Ciudad de Saber ready to place the final touches on our Pre-Service Training experience.  We were to sign papers, test our language abilities and talk about medical issues.  All I can say is that my Dad has brilliant timing.

That afternoon, after I had finished with everything for the day, I received a phone call.  Before answering the phone, I think I knew what was coming.  I answered to my Dad’s voice and he prefaced the news with a brief description of their morning, before inhaling and saying, “Honey, Grandpa died.”

Somehow, no matter how you prepare to hear those words, nor how many times you hear them in a year, they never get easier.  I inhaled sharply and tried to maintain composure until I could get someplace to break down in private.  I choked on the breath and instead of coughing, I let out a choked sob.  I promised Dad I’d call him back.

When you’re away from support systems for a long period of time, they sometimes either get built locally or collapse under pressure.  Having no idea what to expect, I folded over, breathing in, out and repeating, trying to compose myself to walk out and speak to the necessary people about leave.  Before I had finished another round, people were around me, rubbing my back, holding my hand and asking what happened.  I somehow choked out the words.

I’m going to stop writing about this now, because those that matter know the story.  I made it through the week is all that matters to the rest.

On Wednesday of that week, we finally swore in as Volunteers, taking the oath to serve the United States and Panama in the capacity we have been trained to.  The ceremony was incredible.  By the end of the speeches, I was not the only one crying.

The celebrations kept me distracted until Thursday morning, when the knowledge hit me like a brick.  The rest of the group (and myself at a point in time) had planned to go celebrate at the beach together.  I realized that what I needed was silence before embarking on the second part of this adventure.  I spent the night in a hotel, taking a hot shower, watching movies and sleeping.  Relishing the silence.  Waking up early the next morning, I headed to site.

It’s hotter than hell here, but amazing.  I have the best host family and counterparts I could imagine here.  During the days I’ve been here, I’ve paseared, met with a fair amount of people and had a meeting with the directora of the school.  After telling her I was an environmental volunteer and had not the capacity to teach English, she relented and we immediately started speaking about the MEDUCA environmental guides.  She is still open about her desire for help in teaching English, but is willing to work on a compromise.  Like the rest of my community, she’s incredibly aware of environmental issues and is more than willing to work with me in education and conservation activities.

On Friday of this week, I have a meeting with my entire community.  The representatives from MIDA, ARAP and ANAM will all be there, along with the entire Ecological group.  I’m stressing.  However, this is a great opportunity to meet the rest of the community, and share that while I have to leave again, I will be back.  In other words, I’ll be back in the good ol’ US of A for a few days.  I’ll probably be busy and have no cell phone.  Sorry.

I have a billion bugbites and a puppy.  I love the island life.