26.4.12

Melatonin, Silversun Pickups


Taking off my watch and my rings, there’s a stark white line where each rests.  My face not only has more freckles, but is darker.  My arms are tinged red, after working in the sun.  My feet are striped and scarred from sun and bugs alike.  My hair is two-toned, blonde and auburn-brown, striping and fading into split ends.

Three months from when I left, my appearance is already changed.  Three months from when I left, my mind is already changed.  The cold showers, the hot days, the people, the food, the time.  I am already a changed person, already adjusting into my new home and community.

Time is a fickle beast.  She moves fast and slow when most convenient to none other than herself.  These three months has felt at once as though they slide and slither slowly, and as though they are dripping through my fingers like sand.  I am at once moving at the speed of light and slowly enough to watch the trees grow.

The physical changes have taken me by surprise more than the emotional changes.  I expected to change mentally, to view the world differently through the lenses of a foreign country and language.  I expected to have my eyes opened by the people I interact with, both within my community and other volunteers.  I expected to change.

The tanlines, both physical and emotional, have taken me by surprise.  That I can see where I have changed and where I am the same.  Where a part of my skin is protected and hidden and kept virgin to the sun, to the culture, to the change.  Yet another part, right alongside, is changing.  I’m a patchwork of new and old.

Aware of how early on I still am, I look forward in anticipation.  What will remain the same?  What part of my soul will my bracelets cover?  What part of my head do my clothes protect?  And the lines of my shoes?  Do the protected parts truly remain the same, or is the simple fact they lay next to darker skin changing them, too?  Who will I be when I return?

Or will I become addicted to the color and continue living in the land of the sun?

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