I’ve Seen All Good People: Your Move; Yes

“I’m no good at goodbyes” – Penny Lane, Almost Famous

And so begins another round of goodbyes. Again, it’s not the forever kind, it’s so long, see you later, but when?

When I left for the Peace Corps, everything I left was uncertain. The only certainty was that I would be here, in Panama, for 2 years. I didn’t know where things would stand when I arrived home, I didn’t know who I would be. As it turns out, everything is left alone at home, and it is only me returning changed.

I’m now in the slow process of saying goodbye. I’m now in the process of bidding farewell to the people and places I have come to know so well. Some are staying another year, some are leaving with me, but for different locations.

I said goodbye to my community. As the children ran up to me, hugging me, asking to dance, I held my breath and tried not to cry. When one of my best friends and a group of kids sang me a song they wrote at my despedida, a few of the tears snuck through. I held onto Buster, my Panamutt, my Dad’s hand and let them fall. When my neighbors swept me up and began dancing with me, I decided to laugh through the tears. I know I will see these people again. This is just a goodbye for now.

When I went to Panama City, my dad and my dog in tow, I held off tears, instead retreating into my mind, going over memories and thoughts of my time in my site. When I saw my dad and Buster off, and I gave my puppy – the puppy given to me by a close friend at two weeks old who I had to bottle feed for two more weeks – his last hug in Panama, my dad placed his hand on my shoulder, “Don’t let him see you cry: it will stress him out.”

I didn’t, but the minute his crate was carried off, I broke down and started crying. My dad hugged me, and said, “We’ll see you soon.” I might have the most amazing parents – they’re caring for my puppy for two and a half months until I come home. And now, whenever we skype, they let me talk to him and he perks up at my voice.

When I finally left Panama, boarding the plane, more tears pushed through and I feel bad for the woman sitting next to me. Belize was a welcome respite from my farewells, until I left Belize.

I’m no good at goodbyes.