Don't Think Twice, It's Alright; Bob Dylan

There are moments in my life that I look back on, the ones that in the moment they hurt, or seemed insignificant, but they orchestrated a change in me that still lasts today. Some of them are small, like playing in the redwoods with my brother. Some of them are larger, like the first time I saw a sea turtle, on the quiet beach in Costa Rica. Some of them hurt, like the endings of past relationships, goodbyes and deaths. Some of them, I felt nothing at all, though it changed me.

The ones where I felt nothing are the strangest, because I can’t tell you exactly why they changed me, though they altered my actions in the future. They helped to mold me in a way that the big moments, the painful moments and the small moments, couldn’t. They’re the ones that helped me realize who I am, in quiet times. Who I am with my friends, and who I want my friends to be.

I’ve always placed a high premium on honesty between friends, and the times when that is broken, I lose faith. But a moment has come to me where I know that losing certain people doesn’t matter anymore. A moment of clarity, that the ones who I lose, I now know I’ve lost them because they are no longer important. Maybe they out-grew me. Maybe I out-grew them. But what is true, no matter the why, is that the time they had in my life, I changed, hopefully for the better.

But the moral of the story is that for every person who comes into my life, I hope that I grow through them. And if I can’t, and the friendship withers and dies, then that’s okay. For someone who has held onto friendships and relationships for far too long every time, I’m finally learning the freedom of letting go.