Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town, Pearl Jam

I think this might be my longest blog title yet, and I haven't run out of relevant songs! Working as a receptionist has taught me an important thing: we've had phones for over 200 years, they've become more common, more popular, easier to use (allegedly), and yet, we still don't know how to use them. They can give us directions, tell us how to make dinner, talk to us, even brush our teeth, but we still don't know how to use them to perform a most basic function - the function they were created for - to make a phone call.

This post will probably be based off of open letters, and maybe, if I'm feeling especially driven today (as I sit at work, avoiding... well, the phone), there might be stories associated with the open letters.

Dear Caller Trying to Reach "Jon",
I'm sorry, we have quite a few Jon's here. Could you give me the last name please? Oh you don't know the last name? Could I read all the Jon's off for you? You know, our system is organized by last name, and I have a few more clients on hold. Do you think you have the last name written down some where? Please call back when you know who you are trying to reach.
Best,
A hardworking receptionist

Dear Gentleman Calling via Cell Phone,
You don't have service. Please don't yell at me for not being able to hear you over your crappy service. Yelling at me won't help. In fact, I think I'm going through a tunnel right now.
Best,
Someone who knows buildings don't go through tunnels

Dear Lawyer who Accidentally Pocket Dialed Me,
I really hope your meeting wasn't confidential.
Best,
Someone who heard everything.

Dear Caller who Doesn't Know What Law Firm he is Calling, but Just Needs a Lawyer;
I'm sure you do. I hope you figure it out, but you can't afford this law firm.
Best,
Someone getting paid above living wage.

And the final one is dedicated to my dear old Dad.
Dear Skiers still praying for snow,
Please stop.
Sincerely,
A concerned skier who wants enough for next year. And wants summer.