When it comes to the people in my life, I have recently realized a distinct difference between needing and wanting. The innate differences between the two - we need food, shelter and water; we want support and friendship - are obvious. But to anyone who has ever been a teenager, we remember the feeling of needing people to be in our lives.
To survive, we need to eat. We need shelter from the elements. We need water. Between human communities and populations, there is little to no variation on this. The variation comes in from types of foods, types of elements, availability of water. But nothing of the actual need. We can't help these needs, and when we ignore or just don't feel these needs, it is a sign of a deeper issue. I'm sure it's been postulated that another basic need is community, but whether that stems from human instinct or a primal need, I am still unsure. Yet if you observe these aspects of human nature, the desire for community is there. People without a typical (nuclear) supportive family do look for support in other settings. It is the base reason why we have gangs or friendships.
But what is the difference, when it comes to people, between needing someone and wanting someone? To need another person implies incompleteness without. I believe the people who are in my life are there because I want them there. I enjoy traveling, being by myself and I am happy this way. To travel by yourself is an opportunity to learn new things about who you are, as well as see a new place in a completely intimate and vulnerable.
It's as though my relationships have hit a new, maturer level. I want my friends to be in my life, as opposed to feeling the need for them. I miss everyone already, and it's hurting. But a feeling is missing from the "missing". I don't feel the need for them to be with me. I just miss their presence.
Write a girl a letter?
No comments:
Post a Comment